Tending to Instagram

When the Chambers are here, I tend to Mr. Chamber’s Instagram presence. He wants a ‘young, hip edge.’ I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m 40. In his defense, I look 25.


He’s a fashion designer who feels that he must use social media to reach his full business potential. I think he sees tweens like the cast of Pretty Little Liars (they are obsessed with that show) using it to get endorsement deals and celebrating 8 million followers and thinks he can follow suit. ‘Tis not my job to object.

The first step is, obviously, to curate an Instagram feed worthy of admiration. So this means, only beautiful pictures that demonstrate his brand – whether that means actually showing his vetements, showing the process of creating them, or showing inspiration from which his vetements spring. It’s dumb to have to even say it, but the photographs just must be beautiful. They have to stop thumbs from scrolling for long enough to tap.  So we had to start by finding 25 pictures that we both thought demonstrated his brand – and beautifully. Over the course of a couple of months, we posted one every few days to generate interest.

I had to start by teaching him some iPhone basic photography and break his habit of depending too heavily on filters.  So I taught him (after a quick google search, why don’t most people just GOOGLE the things they need help with, darlings?) how to compose photos, take light into account, ensure that subject matter is obscured enough to make people curious, and have a unique perspective.

We also discussed how serious we were about avoiding Instagram clichés: beaches, sunsets, sunrises, reflections, silhouettes, etc. These certainly get more likes, but we wanted something that would STOP people for a moment. So how do we post pictures that people will like without them being the proven subjects that people tend to like?

Now that we’re posting great pictures consistently, which took about seven weeks, we need to attract attention. We want followers, likes and comments – none of which are possible without attention.  1. We reached out to everyone we both knew personally to request follows. 2. We linked to his Instagram account from all of his other social media accounts. 3. Most people would now suggest hashtags, but we don’t fuck around with hashtags. Basic. 4. Following people: the more links we have, the more changes of people stumbling onto our page, hence, we follow everyone. 5. Now this is where it gets dodgy because the aforemention cast of Pretty Little Liars have about 40 million followers between them. And the Chambers just happen to know two of them personally. So we convinced them to start linking back to us. This is called, in other circles, starfucking, and we’re all about it.

So that’s where we’re at. We now wait. And hope. And keep posting.

November 15, 2016

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